No, It doesn’t matter what I say
Because it’s what I said
Not what she said.
I hate that when I look at you
And you return my smile
Wave
Then continue by
And I realize it’s because she is standing behind me
And I probably look as damaged as I feel
If you would turn around to see it.
Nothing is worse than your excuses
The ones you give to me when you know
That I know
There’s something you won’t be telling me
That you told her.
Excuses that you used to give to others so that
You could tell me those sorts of things
A long time ago.
You have to know that excuses can’t work on me
It’s just stupid
Your pretending is the root my annoyances these days

The Old you
The real you
Where are you?
What should I do to find you again?
I don’t know what to do.
You tell me this is the real you.
But It’s not.
You don’t realize that you are pretending
For her
Maybe you like it better that way.
Masks feel safer, I know.
I get glimpses of you when we are alone.
Just the two of us again.  
I am amazed when conversations go by
Without the mention of her name.

You cannot honestly think
That I don’t feel the same things you do?
And no one in the entire world, doesn’t feel just like you?
That sometimes
I feel like crap
I want to feel tears
I want to curl up in a ball sometimes too?
Do you honestly believe,
That I feel fine at every moment
That I’m 100% good and unchanging
And cannot possibly understand you
What is that?!
Why is that?

Even though we are different in little ways
It was the bigger reasons that counted for us
The only ones that mattered
The fact that we had problems and a place to put them
Store them inside each other
Until we were ready to look at them again
We were twin souls I feel
A safer place for me was the spot on the grass
Beside you
Fights don’t matter
Differences don’t matter
It couldn’t change the fact that we were each other’s
Chicken noodle soup
Warm sweater hug
And pick-me-up Chocolate Bar.

I guess for some reason I don’t understand
I can’t give that to you anymore
I never thought of you differently
But I guess my security got boring for you
Maybe you unconsciously assumed that I would stand here
And accept whatever you chose to do. Without protest
Because, simply stated, that was how it had always been.
The little things that didn’t matter with us
Are the things you saw in her
Are the things you shove in-between us.  
When in reality, they don’t even exist
More excuses.

Can’t you see, my twin?
There’s nothing you can deny that can erase
The truth
That I was all you needed once.
And that is sincerely what I miss most.
That I was needed.